Because of you
by bhernandez02897
Summary: Castiel get's hurt and is traumatized by his experience. Can Dean help him get through it or will Castiel just suffer alone? Rated T for mentions of rape, thoughts of suicide etc. Mpreg and songfic. Destiel
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N:Okay so this is my first supernatural fanfiction, so it would mean a lot if you would review, even if it was not too good. Anyways enjoy the story! I do not own taco bell, supernatural or any of the characters!**_

Song for this chapter is because of you by Kelly Clarkson.  
  
Dean, Sam and Castiel sat in a motel room taking a small break after a hunt.

"Man I'm hungry. It's Cas' turn to get the food Sammy?"

"Right Dean. I'm in the mood for taco bell."

"Sounds good. Cas go down the street and get us our usuals."

"Yes Dean." Castiel teleported to the restaurant.

Dean shook his head. "Freakin' angel."

Dean and Sam sat patiently waiting for Castiel to return with their food. After an hour, Dean shot out of his chair, unable to wait any longer.

"Dammit Sam, I got a bad feeling. I'm heading off to taco bell you stay here just in case he comes back."

"Sure thing Dean."

Dean got in the impala and sped down the road. He walked inside the fast food restaurant and walked to the counter. "Have you seen a guy about this tall wearing a trench coat?"

"Yeah he just walked outside with a man about forty five minutes ago."

"Thanks."

Dean ran outside and went around to the alley. There on the floor lay Castiel, naked and bleeding.

"Dammit Cas!"

Dean shook Castiel, hoping to get a respond. He got none. Dean dressed Castiel with the clothes that lie next to him. He then carried Castiel into the impala, laying him down in the back seat. He drove like a bat outta hell and was at the motel in no time, even though it felt like forever.

Dean pulled out his cell phone and dialed Sam's number.

"Dean did you find Castiel?"

"Sammy come down stairs right now! Hurry!"

"Alright!"

Sam ran down the stairs and saw Dean carrying Castiel. He helped Dean carry him up the stairs. They placed Castiel on one of the beds, still not making a sound.

"What the hell happened to him?"

"I don't know Sam but we need to get some help. Call Bobby and see if he knows anyone with medical experience around here."

Sam didn't even answer Dean, inst4ead jumping into action and pulling out his cell phone. Dean could hear Sam talking, but couldn't make out the words. He didn't really care, his angel was hurt and needed help. Dean grabbed his first aid kit and fixed what he could, which wasn't much. He had no idea if he had internal bleeding or not, so they needed help and needed it fast.

"Alright Dean Bobby has a guy a town over and he will be here in less than twenty minutes. He's going to be okay Dean." Sam put a hand on his brothers shoulder, knowing that Dean had gotten close to the angel.

"How do you know that Sam? You have no idea what happened to him!" Dean yelled, taking his frustration out on his brother.

"Dean…"

"Cas? How are you feeling?"

"Terrible. Sam do you mind if I talk to Dean alone for a moment?"

"Not at all, I'll go get us something to eat. Don't worry I got my gun."

Dean and Castiel nodded at Sam. As soon as the door closed, Dean touched Castiel's hand to let him know that he was there for him. He didn't want to let Sam see him having a chick flick moment after all. Castiel jerked his hand away from Dean's in defense and turned his head away, ashamed of himself.

Dean was completely confused. "Cas, what the hell happened to you?"

A tear slid down Castiel's face as he turned his head towards Dean. "I'm sorry Dean, I'm so sorry."

"Sorry for what Cas?"

"Dean a man violated me in that alley." Castiel couldn't bring himself to say rape. He let out a sob that he had been holding in and shook his head.

"God Cas, I am so sorry, I should have never let you go out there alone. Come here."

Dean grabbed Castiel, who flinched at first, but then melted into Dean's arms, crying into Dean's chest.

_'This is going to be one hell of a trip.'  
_


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N:Thanks for the favs, follows and review, it means a lot to know that people are reading this. A special thanks to morphine gun12, you are Freakin amazing! The song for this chapter is in the end by linkin park. Please review!**_

_I kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apart  
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when I tried so hard  
And got so far  
But in the end  
It doesn't even matter_

_I had to fall  
To lose it all  
But in the end  
It doesn't even matter  
_Sam came inside with the doctor and found that both Dean and Castiel were asleep, Castiel on Dean's chest.

"Dean Dr. Honeycutt is here to examine Cas."

Dean nodded his head and gently shook Castiel. Castiel woke up with a look of fear in his eyes like a trapped animal. "Don't hurt me!" Castiel yelled, eyes closed and hands protecting his face.

"Cas it's okay now, you're at the motel and Dr. Honeycutt is here to treat your wounds. Don't worry he isn't going to hurt you."

Castiel nodded and got off of Dean's chest.

"Castiel, I need to ask you a personal question okay?"

Castiel nodded.

"Were you raped?"

Castiel jumped at the word and a tear slid down his face as he nodded sadly.

"Okay well most likely you are going to have some tearing in your rectum, so I am going to need you to lie down on the bed. If you want I can have them step outside."

"Will you please go outside?"

"Sure thing Castiel. Come on Dean."

Dean followed Sam outside the motel. They sat on the ground and Dean rested his head against the wall.

"Sam what am I supposed to do? I need you to help me out here."

Even though it was dark outside, Sam could see the unshed tears in Dean's eyes and could hear worry in his voice. Sam sighed.

"Dean I don't know much about rape, but what I do know is that the victim needs time to heal both physically and emotionally and do better with a support system. He really needs you right now Dean."

"Thanks Sammy."

"You boys can come in now. He has no internal bleeding but has a few broken ribs. He is also going to need time to heal mentally. If you boys need anything else, just give me a call."

"Thanks."

Dean and Sam walked inside the motel room to find Castiel sitting on the bed all stitched up. His eye was still swollen shut, but he looked a lot better.

"Hey Castiel, how are you feeling?" Sam asked.

"Better thanks to those pills, even though the pain is not completely gone. "

"I'm so sorry Cas, I never shoulda sent you out there alone. I shoulda been there to protect you. I swear I will find those sons a bitches and teach them a lesson."

"Do not blame yourself Dean I should not have went with that man. I should have known that he had more men with him. I should have fought harder, I was weak. I have lost the majority of my powers and am no longer welcome in heaven as I am now considered unclean."

"Castiel if they are that screwed up that they banned you from heaven then you can stay with us."

"That is very kind of you, but I can find somewhere to stay."

"Cas Sam's right, you need to stay with us at least while you heal."

Castiel was thinking of whether or not he should stay with the two brothers. He did not want to bother them but if were to go out on his own he most likely would not survive due to his injuries. Besides, he was kind of scared to be alone.

"I accept your offer. Thank you."

"No problem. Cas I'm not usually one for chick flick moments, but if you ever need to talk I'm here for you anytime."

"Thank you."

Dean couldn't help but wonder what was going through Castiel's mind. It had to be some of the most horrible thoughts. Soon everyone except for Castiel was asleep. Castiel went to the bathroom and locked the door. Dean soon woke up with a bad feeling in his gut.

"Cas are you okay in there? Cas?"

Dean got no answer. He picked the lock and what he saw scared him, which happened very rarely. There was blood all over the floor and more coming out of Castiel's wrist, who lay unconscious against the bathtub.

"Sam! Call Dr. Honeycutt right now!"

Sam jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom to see what hyad Dean so worried. As soon as he saw Castiel laying there he dialed Dr. Honeycutt. Dean shook Castiel.

"Castiel you stay with me! Cas!"


	3. Chapter 3

_**Thanks so much for the reviews, it means a lot! Song for this chapter is Hero by Skillet.**_

_I need a hero to save me now  
I need a hero, save me now  
I need a hero to save my life  
A hero will save me just in time_

Sam ran to the bathroom and placed a towel around Castiel's bleeding wrist. Dean did the same.

"Dr. Honeycutt is coming here right now. He is going to take Castiel to the hospital at no charge."

Dean nodded. Sam shook Castiel roughly and his eyes slowly opened.

"Why won't you just let me die?" Castiel pleaded.

Dean could not help but notice just how tired Castiel looked. He was defeated. He knew that feeling. Dean sighed. "Look Cas, I know your tired, but you are going to get through this, I promise."

"You do not know what it is like Dean."

Dean sighed and looked at Sam. He couldn't believe he was about to say this. "Sam you are not going to like what you are about to hear, but try to understand why I never told you."

Sam ran a hand through his hair. He was almost positive he knew what his brother was about to say, but he had to hear it for himself to believe it.

Castiel I know what you are going through. I was eight. Eight Freakin years old when my life was ruined by a teacher, someone you should've been able to trust. You have no idea how long I sat in that bath scrubbing myself, trying to get him off of me." Dean's voice began to break. "I felt dirty for a long time. I didn't tell my dad because I didn't want him to worry about me, and of course I couldn't tell my four year old brother, so I was alone. I'm not going to lie to you, I did think about killing myself. But I didn't. You know why? I had people who cared about me and I couldn't leave them to deal with that. We need you Cas. I need you."

Sam had tears in his eyes. His big brother had to go through that. Alone. Sam walked out of the room, wanting to give Castiel and Dean some space. Castiel looked Dean in the eyes. He had someone who knew exactly what he was going through.

"I'm sorry Dean. I should have never done this."

Dean sat down next to Castiel. He didn't care that there was blood on the floor, his friend needed him. He did what he did for Sam when he was upset. He pulled Castiel into a hug and stroked his hair while they waited for the doctor.

"Cas, hold on just a little longer."

Castiel took in a deep breath and nodded. A few minutes later Dr. Honeycutt had Castiel in a truck full of medical supplies. Dean and Sam followed in the Impala.

"I don't understand Dean. You and dad got along so good, yet you never told him."

"I didn't want him to be ashamed of me Sam."

"It wasn't your fault though-"

"Sam! Just drop it, I don't want to talk about it anymore, okay?"

"Okay."

The rest of the trip was quiet, save for Bon Jovi on the radio. They arrived at the hospital and Sam helped Dean carry Castiel into the hospital while Dr. Honeycutt set up a room for him and set up supplies. They sat Castiel on the bed and were pushed out of the room by a group of doctors and nurses. Dean and Sam sat out in the waiting room.

"I know you love him."

"What?"

"Dean I know that you love Castiel. I can tell by the way you look at him, you have a certain look that you only give him."

A tear slid down Dean's face. "God Sam I do love him. I don't know what I'm going to do if I do lose him."

"E's going to make it Dean. Death is very rare by slitting your wrist. They will just give him some blood and patch him up."

"I'm hoping Sam."

After what felt like forever, Dr. Honeycutt came out and called them.

"How is he?"

"He is going to make it. He lost a lot of blood but we gave him some more. He is asking for you and you are welcome to go see him."

"Thank you so much."

The brothers shook the doctors hand and ran to Castiel's room. Castiel's wrist were wrapped in layers of gauze and his color had started to come back.

"Thank God Cas you're okay."

"Dean I have something that I need tot ell you. I have feelings for you."

"I feel the same way about you."

"And I'm out."

Sam ran out of the room. Way too much of a chick flick moment for him. Dean placed a kiss on Castiel's lips.

"Don't you _ever _hurt yourself again, okay?"

"Okay."

SNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNNSNSNSNSNSNN SNSNSNSNSSNNSNSNSNSNSNNSNSNS NSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSN

After being released from the hospital a month ago, Castiel has healed from his suicide attempt, the only reminder of it happening the scars that were already starting to fade. Te past week though, Castiel has been having strange nausea. He is already pretty sure what it is, but he didn't want to believe it. It wasn't supposed to happen like this.

"Cas?"

Dean brought Castiel back to the real world. His voice could always bring him out of even the deepest thought. He looked up at Dean and tried to smile, but Dean could tell that it was forced.

"Alright what's wrong? You got that look in your eyes again."

Castiel hated when Dean knew that he wasn't his usual self. How in the world was he supposed to tell him this?

"You won't believe me if I tell you."

Dean laughed. "I hunt monsters. There's not much that I don't believe."

"Okay then, I think I'm pregnant."


	4. Chapter 4

A/N:Okay sorry for the late update I got discouraged by a review and wasn't sure if I should continue this fic or not. But thanks to everyone else who followed, reviewed and favorite I am going to continue after all. Please enjoy and if you don't like it don't read it!

I want to heal,  
I want to feel,  
What I thought was never real  
I want to let go of the pain I felt so long

I want to heal,  
I want to feel,  
Like I'm close to something real  
I want to find something I've wanted all along  
Somewhere I belong

Chapter four

"You think you're what?"

"I said I think I'm pregnant. Male angels can get pregnant, even the angels who are banished."

Dean sat down on the couch. This was a whole lot to take in.

"You're serious? You're pregnant with that, that _monsters_ kid?" Dean said angrily.

Castiel couldn't hold it in any longer and a sob escaped him. It all just hit him like a ton of bricks.

"I don't know! I- I'm sorry! I keep messing everything up!"

Castiel tried to walk out the door but was stopped when Dean grabbed his arm.

"Let me go." Castiel had no fight left in his voice.

"No. We are going to figure it out and we are going to figure it out together, okay? Now come on, let's go sit down."

Castiel was still sobbing and Dean didn't know what to do except to hold him.

"I don't know if I can do this."

"Cas there are other options than just keeping it. Besides you may not even be pregnant."

"What type of options?"

"Well there is always abortion, that is where they destroy the embryo."

Castiel's eyes went wide. "You mean kill my baby? I can't do that!"

"Okay calm down. I thought you would say that, so there is another option called adoption. Another family can take the baby and raise it as their own."

"That does sound nice, but I am not sure if I will be able to give him or her up."

"I understand that you need some time to think. Don't worry you still have another nine months if there is even a baby to worry about."

"How do we know if I am pregnant?"

"Well normally a woman would take a pregnancy test but I am not too sure that it would work for a man, so maybe we can go to Dr. Honeycutt for an ultrasound. Don't worry it won't hurt you or the baby."

"When is it possible for us to go?"

"Let me give him a call and we will see if we can drive down there."

Dean called Dr. Honeycutt and got the okay to go ahead and come in.

"Dr. Honeycutt was just as surprised as I was." Dean chuckled a little bit as he pictured the surprised look on the doctor's face. "We can go right now. Sam, I need to tell you something!" Dean yelled and Sam came down the stairs.

"Yeah Dean?"

"Sam this is going to be hard to take in but Cas might be pregnant."

Sam laughed. "Dean that's not possible."

"It is for angels."

Sam realized Dean was right. "Okay so what are we going to do?" Sam sat down. He couldn't believe this was possible.

"Cas and I are going to go get an ultrasound and see if he is. And if he is, we are going to decide what to do from there."

"Alright well good luck."

"Thank you Samuel."

They arrived at the hospital a little while later.

"Castiel we are going to see if you are pregnant or not. This is going to be cold."

Dr. Honeycutt put the device over Castiel's stomach and soon they heard a noise.

"What is that sound?"

"That is they baby's heartbeat. You are pregnant Castiel. I'm sorry."

"This can not be happening to me." Castiel whispered.

"Thanks doc. We are going to go ahead and go home." Dean said.

Soon they were in the Impala and heading back to Bobby's house.

"Sam, Bobby, we're home!"

Sam came down the stairs quickly, nearly falling down several times.

"What'd they say?"

"Cas is pregnant."

"This is some crazy stuff boy. I don't see how it's even possible."

"I know Bobby, but he is going to need all the support he can get right now."

Bobby went to the fridge and handed a beer to Sam and Dean. Castiel looked at him, confused.

"You don't get one you idjit, it's bad for the baby." Bobby said, taking a sip of his beer.

Castiel sighed. "I am going to keep my baby. Children are innocent and this child does not know that they were not supposed to be conceived this way. Children are gifts of God. I want him or her."

"Well that's your choice Cas. All of us will be there for you."

Castiel smiled.

"Thank you."

"No problem. Now come on we got to go get some things from the store."

"Like what?"

"Sam, exactly what are we going to need this early?" Dean asked.

"Well all you are really going to need is some prenatal vitamins. Oh and Cas, you are going to need to eat more healthy, in other words, no more burgers. And one last thing. Dean you need to get him some saltine crackers for morning sickness."

"Thank you Dr. Sam! Come on Cas, let's go to the store."

"Okay."

As they walked down the medicine aisle, they found the prenatal vitamin.

"How many brands are there?"

"Which one is best for the baby?"

"Let's go with this one."

Dean suggested one made by the brand _nature made_. Castiel grabbed the bottle and looked at it closely.

"I like it."

"Great now let's get out of here."

As they checked out, the cashier looked at them funny.

"It's for my sister."

The clerk nodded.

Castiel was about to say something but Dean put a hand over his mouth.

The cashier handed them the bag and they quickly left.

"If you _ever_ try to say that you are pregnant again, I will put you in Bobby's panic room. Dean whispered harshly.

Castiel's bottom lip began to quiver and his eyes began to water.

"No Cas don't cry! We'll go back inside and get you a candy okay?"

Cas smiled.

"Stupid mood swings."


End file.
